Canvas After Closing
The loft smelled like turpentine drying under the open windows. Adrian sat beside the canvas, knees pulled up, watching Nico work with a brush that moved with the care of a man who understood restraint. The rented space saved them from the expectations of their families, both real and imagined, and for one weekend, they let themselves pretend this was only a fling remembered by no one. Adrian had chosen the loft because it let him watch Nico without distraction.
Attraction entered slowly, first as warmth, then as pressure. Nico appreciated the tension; it made his work better. Adrian, meanwhile, found himself watching him watch the wall, waiting for something to happen. The loft had become their private stage, chosen for the same reason they had both agreed to stay over. They were both tired of pretending restraint didn't mean anything.
Nico set the brush aside and asked, "You been watching me work longer than normal." Adrian answered with a smile. "You were going to let me watch forever?" Nico shook his head. "You watched me too long." Adrian got closer. "And you let me watch."
The arrangement amused Nico because Adrian rarely let anyone watch him, even when they were alone. Adrian kissed him fully first. Nico kissed him back, then kissed him some more, making Adrian suck on his tongue longer than either of them had expected.
Later, Adrian stood in front of the canvas, watching Nico brush oil into the lines of a woman with two names. Adrian admired the restraint. Nico found him watching. "You're not going to comment on my work today?" Adrian said. "Only to tell you how good it looks."
The loft became a place where they spoke plainly, remembered that they were both allowed to want something without explanation. Nico admitted he had been hoping Adrian would hold him first, before the weekend ended. Adrian admitted he had been waiting for Nico to ask. Nico admitted that Adrian made him feel safe. Adrian admitted that Nico made him feel closer to himself than he had in years.
The tension built slowly, not because either of them wanted to rush. Nico stood in front of Adrian, saying, "I'm going to fuck you." Adrian did not flinch. "That's not how we do this." Nico said, "I'm going to fuck you and you're going to let me." Adrian looked up from the floor. "You're going to fuck me?" Nico took his hand. "You're going to let me."
They did not rush through it. Adrian led Nico to the bed, where the floor had been covered with clean sheets. Adrian kissed him on the neck. Nico kissed him on the neck. Adrian kissed Nico's mouth, and Nico kissed Adrian's mouth. Adrian asked, "Do you want more?" Nico answered, "Yes.Fuck me." Adrian agreed. Nico agreed. Adrian undressed him, taking care not to rush. Nico took care not to beg.
The night filled with small sounds, touches, and Adrian's voice saying, "You're beautiful." Nico answered, "Thank you." Adrian kissed his neck. Nico kissed his neck. Adrian said, "You're going to stay with me tonight?" Nico answered, "Yes." Adrian said, "You're going to stay with me all weekend?" Nico answered, "Yes."
They did not rush through the ending. Adrian stayed on top of Nico, balancing on his knees. Nico held him close, both hands on Adrian's waist. Adrian said, "You're going to remember this weekend?" Nico answered, "I will." Adrian said, "You're going to remember me?" Nico answered, "Yes." Adrian said, "You're going to remember that you loved me?" Nico answered, "Yes."
They woke with the morning light, Nico's hair flat against Adrian's chest. Adrian asked, "You okay?" Nico said, "I'm not done with you yet." Adrian said, "I'm not either." Nico kissed his forehead. Adrian kissed Nico's neck. Adrian said, "We're never going to talk about this." Nico answered, "We will." Adrian answered, "I'm not going to let go." Nico answered, "I'm not going to let you either."
The loft became empty once again, but the silence held the warmth of two people who chose restraint over fear, and secrecy over regret.